Coming Out Counsel
Back in May, YouthCast featured a story called “Bi Chic” about bisexuality and high school girls. One listener emailed producer Cyd La Luz and asked for some advice on coming out. Here’s the email along with Cyd’s response.
Plus, after reading Cyd’s coming out tips, head on over to the “Bi Chic” producer Q&A to find out Cyd’s thoughts on broken gaydar, the Terry Gross empire, and more.
“I was deeply upset by some of the things I heard. I think it is horrible that people would make a mockery of sexuality, and the reasons why these people are doing that seem very sad. I am an “in the closet” bisexual, and I have never heard of girls lying about their sexuality to get guys.
I think it’s a great thing you guys are doing. Do you have a podcast? If not, you should consider it.
Do you have any tips for coming out to friends/ family? I have read websites, but they don’t sound like they were written by young people who have had to deal with this situation.”
“Thanks for listening! As for a podcast, check our website at www.outloudradio.org. It is under constant revampage, so you might have to dig a bit before you get some audio.
Now, on to the big question. I am by no means an expert on coming out, and my own experience was pretty rocky. But from various other coming out experiences I have seen, I’ve found the best way to ease into the grand world of outness is to find a community that will support you no matter what. Our closest friends and family tend to be less open to this sudden “change” of identity than a group of newer friends. So if I were you I would try out your school’s GSA or perhaps even find an online community, and get involved.
Now, I am not saying you should walk in the first day and announce something like, “Hello, my name is Cyd and I am a big flaming homo.” Your GSA is probably not the gay version of Alcoholics Anonymous. However, if you surround yourself in other queer people and allies you will find yourself with a lot more confidence in claiming your own identity. Also, this sort of involvement tends to drop nice, ambiguous hints to your parents. They’ll either pick up that you are some shade of gay or just really socially conscious.
When it comes down to it, nothing helps more with coming out than a group of friends to support you. Ultimately they won’t be standing behind you when you make the big announcement to your family (or bring a girlfriend home unannounced), but it will be easier to come out knowing others who have already. And if things don’t go so smoothly, you’ll have a whole community of people who will support you no matter what.
Just remember that you don’t have to come out to everyone and everything in one big extravaganza. I am not saying you should sneak around those people who are closest to you–I am just saying test the waters, make friends, and embrace your new identity before you ask your loved ones to embrace it too.”
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