alt.NPR: Youthcast from PRX

I still remember the day my grandmother (gram) passed away – March 22, 2002.

It was my freshman year of college. I had moved to Washington, DC to study at Howard University. At the end of my first semester, gram became ill. At first we thought she had the flu or some other bug, but my mom suspected something more serious, so she took gram to the doctor’s. Gram was diagnosed with breast cancer, and the cancer had already eaten her left breast. It had progressed to stage 4; we couldn’t figure out why she hadn’t told anyone what was going on.

My aunts and mom rallied around her. It was tough for me because I couldn’t be there. I considered taking a break from school to move home and help, something I planned to discuss with my parents after my second semester was complete. I thought she had more time.

I traveled to Colorado for Spring Break. I had no idea how my life would change over that one week. The day I was coming home from the trip, I had a hard time getting on a flight because I was flying standby. And to make matters worst, my cellphone was dying. I called gram’s house to see how everything was, but I could tell they were hiding something. All my aunts were there, one had even flown in from St. Louis; my gram was dying, and I was stuck in an airport in Denver scrounging up change to make calls from a pay phone. I cried and prayed and cried and prayed begging God to let me get on a flight and get home in time to see my gram. My last call to my family was with my sister. “Danielle, tell gram I love her so much, and I can let her go,” as the tears continued to stream down my face.

I finally caught the last flight which had a layover. I just cried and cried and then I began to sing one of my gram’s favorite songs “God is Up to Something Good.”

When I finally got to the Philadelphia airport, my dad and sister were waiting for me. We didn’t say anything. I was too scared to even ask. As we drove away, my dad said to me, “You know your grandmom is with the Lord.” I started crying on the spot. “I know.” But a peace was over me. Then they told me as my gram was leaving this earth they were standing around her bed singing “God is Up to Something Good.” Amazing. They sang her out of this life and I sang her into the next.

At first it was difficult for me to forgive myself for not being there, but I’ve grown to embrace the peace I feel when I think about her, hear her voice and her laugh. God knows I miss her.

Telly (my gram’s nickname for me)

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